All by myself.

So, I'm in a rut today. Which is okay, I think. I've been waiting for the 'right time' to write about this.

The short version is that this morning while getting Little Miss and Mr. Man ready to leave the house I got an e-mail from a professor. It was sent to myself and my four other group members, "commenting" on our presentation last week. Which is FINE - seriously, bring on the feedback. If I don't know what or where I/we went wrong then I can't learn how or what to improve, right? I've learned tonnes in school from comments and suggestions in the margins of my papers and assignments.

This e-mail....wasn't so much comments as.....well, just MEAN. And I'm the only one in the group who was singled out. Apparently I AM THE WEAKEST LINK.

Now, my group members have done their best to quell my worries that this is in fact TRUE; they all deny vehemently I presented poorly and one goes so far as to accuse the prof. of "picking" on me. Which, honestly, I wouldn't put past him.

But none of this is the point. I'm done talking about this today. I can't talk about it anymore. I'm tired of trying to find the CONSTRUCTIVE in the criticism I received. The longer I think about and work on it the more torqued up I get and feel.

So fine. Big deal. I'm having a bad day. It happens. Who cares?

Well, THAT'S my problem.

And I KNOW I'm going to get messages in the comments section and on Facebook in response to this, but I don't have any friends.

None.

I have buds and pals and people who I think like me who I like. I even have people I think are friends who turn out not so much to be, and there are SOME people I wish were my friends. Or a few who were once friends who....moved on and left me behind.

Think of it this way: who do you call when you're feeling trodden underfoot? Like you'd rather die than be alone? Like the last thing on Earth you can do is go home and face your two-year-old? When you're so torqued up about something your heart is literally racing, your limbs won't stop bouncing, your fingers are constantly tapping, and the word dinner almost reduces you to tears?? Don't you have someone?

Even if you don't have someone else....do you have your significant other??

I have no one. Mr. Man doesn't even get home until 7:30, on a good night. By that time I need to be deep into my next assignment, putting Little Miss to bed.... if we take time to connect and him help me through my funk I can't get my homework done. Or if I do...I'll be up all night. Again.

When I think who to call.....I draw a blank. No one.

And then I put it back on me. Who would call me??

No one.

There are probably a good number of people for whom I would move the heavens and Earth if I could. But none of them would call me. I'm no one's best friend and I don't have a best friend.

My current 'best friend' at school is too busy text messaging his rotating female companions, whining about TAs, and hollering "how YOU doin'?" to half the university's female population. Which, honestly, is fine BECAUSE he's a he.

I need a girl friend.

So. Here's your chance to apply. I know, I know - don't all jump through your screens at once.

APPLICATION TO BE RED'S GO-TO GAL FOR DAYS WHEN HER PROFESSORS ARE ASSES, HER HUSBAND IS WORKING, HER SPAWN IS TWO, AND SHE FEELS LIKE SHE'S DROWNING IN THE SEA OF LIFE

REQUIREMENTS
- must be female (otherwise you're not a GIRL friend - though I've always gotten along with the guys better - is THAT my problem??)
- must give a damn
- must give AND take - please no more take-take-take-ers. I've got nothing left for you people. I have one word for you people and I don't want to use it because I've already written two I'm sure will startle some of my readers. (Sorry)
- must NOT already/currently HAVE a "best friend" or use the term to describe someone else - it's horrendously difficult to have one's best friend's best friend be someone else. Relationship MUST be fully and completely reciprocal. Or it won't work.
- must NOT be my mother (I love you Mom!!! Thanks for being my one-and-only always-constant best friend!! I wish you were here today!)
- must have DESIRE to just hang out and play with me on occasion, outside of either of our residences. Child-free.
- must not be an idiot. Now, this is OBVIOUSLY subjective - my prof. thinks I'M an idiot, sooo....idiots, apply at your own risk.
- must NOT be high-maintenance - must be able to be satisfied with a best friend (me) who's also a mom, wife, 4th year student, business owner, daughter, sister, runner, choir director, pianist, secretary, and may have some other acquaintances that need help and/or assistance at times, while also being willing to work on the friendship to ensure it is and stays BEST.
- must be encouraging when needed
- must be ready, willing, and able to tell me when I'M an idiot, without making me want to slap you. Which I'd never do, but I'd for sure want to. Don't pussy-foot around me.
- must be someone I enjoy! (You know sometimes you like someone but they're just trying to be around for some reason? Like, you're just not....the same enough or something? There's a WEIRD lull in the conversation or your head hurts when they leave from over or understimulation....)

NO high-maintenance individuals, please. Common interests are a plus but are not a requirement. No previous experience required.

Please submit your application in writing via the comments link. ('Anonymous' comments are welcomed, but without some sort of identifier I won't know who you are, which is fine unless you're the successful candidate).

Applications will be accepted until....forever. Please, someone, be my friend.